With Bob's revision winding down, I find myself in need of a new query. It's still a little rough, but here's what I have so far:
Sixteen-year-old Adair’s life isn’t as glamorous as it sounds. She lives in Mandalay Bay, sure, but the Bay hasn’t seen a high roller since the Last Recession, just an army of luckless squatters. She goes to school at Wynn, but it’s more of a prison camp than an actual high school. And while she doesn’t have a lot of parental supervision, that’s only because her mom is dead and her dad has to work long hours for the man who ruined their lives.
Old Man Hermes did a lot more than revolutionize the biomedia industry when he invented Wingteeth, oral implants that link people’s brainwaves to the Stream. He also created a class system based on technological orientation, with the sharks and their Wingteeth on top, the Toothless grannies on the bottom. Oh, and he also sacrificed her mother’s life to save his precious company. Adair wants to return the favor--by taking his company away from him.
With the help of her secret society, Adair plans to carry out her hostile corporate takeover in five easy steps: First, rustle up an invitation to Old Man Hermes’s annual symposium. Second, assassinate him at the banquet. Third, shut down the Stream. Fourth, make the whole thing look like an accident. Fifth, install one of the grannies as chairman of the board.
What she doesn’t plan is to fall in love with one of the sharks at the symposium or to turn them into zombies when she shuts down the Stream. And she certainly doesn’t expect not to have the guts to murder Old Man Hermes when she gets the perfect chance.
All right, tear it apart. What doesn't make sense? What needs more explanation?